I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
