she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
