when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
