Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
