saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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