Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
