He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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