He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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