...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Fuck now we have to have sex
In a bet, need to win
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
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You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
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I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.