Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
