No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
