Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
