There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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