i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
zippers are such a cool invention
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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