I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
