i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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