went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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