how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
