I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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