Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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