it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
