I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
