I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
