debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
