Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
