I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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