i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
