I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
