Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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