You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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