There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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