i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
