Who wears a wallet chain?!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
