My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Welp...herpes.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i dont even know how to be here
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
