Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
