I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
They have beer where we have blood.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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