So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
