I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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