this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
God, I missed his penis.
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