made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
