took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
