dude i'm inner monologue high
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
