i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
