i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
