the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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