Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
