So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
