I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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