make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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