Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
