Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
