I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
