I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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