i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It was like giving head to a cactus.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
