The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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