I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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