So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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