I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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