Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
