I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
