well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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