dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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