Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
