I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
