I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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