I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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