He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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