I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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