In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
