I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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