I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you win again, gameday.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
