What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
