I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
