Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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