genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
