Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
