You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
