"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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